Who Designed This Guy?

Conservative Christian evangelist Pat Robertson is at it again. Behold the apocalypse!

Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting “intelligent design” and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck.

Robertson, a former Republican presidential candidate and founder of the influential conservative Christian Broadcasting Network and Christian Coalition, has a long record of similar apocalyptic warnings and provocative statements.

Source: [Reuters]

Scorned Lover With Glue

Gail O’Toole of Westmoreland, Pennsylvania is the jealous type. Five years following a break-up with her boyfriend, the two got back together to discuss life since they were a couple. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend Ken Slabny shouldn’t have mentioned the new love in his life. O’Toole let Slabny sleep over at her place and after he was well on his way to la-la land, out came the glue…

Slaby said O’Toole waited until he fell asleep and glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg and glued the cheeks of his buttocks together.

Then came the nail polish.Slaby claimed O’Toole dumped it all over his head.When he woke up, Slaby said O’Toole threw him out.He didn’t have a car, so he was forced to walk one mile down Route 22 to call 911.

Local police say they have never seen anything like it. The glue could not be removed using standard solvents so nurses at a local hospital had to peel it off. Slaby has filed a suit against O’Toole claiming bodily harm and “impingement of normal bodily functions”. The defense claims that the glue and nail polish were a part of routine sexual acts between the couple.

Source: [WTAE]

Texas Shoppers Complain that Food Smells and Tastes Like S**t

A Dallas taxi driver with a grudge against a local grocery store decided to take matters into his own hands.  Surveillance camera footage allegedly shows him sprinkling the baked goods with powdered excrement.  The ordeal came to the attention of store management when unhappy shoppers complained about the smell and taste of their pastries.  Those chocolate sprinkles on the cupcakes were somehow just not right.

Source: [Yahoo]

Holy Secession

Cory Burnell is attempting to redeem the United States one state at a time through a movement that he is calling Christian Exodus. Here is a glimpse of its ideology:

Cory Burnell wants to set up a Christian nation within the United States where abortion is illegal, gay marriage is banned, schools cannot teach evolution, children can pray to Jesus in public schools and the Ten Commandments are posted publicly.

To that end, Burnell, 29, left the Republican Party, moved from California and founded Christian Exodus two years ago with the goal of redirecting the United States by “redeeming” one state at a time.

First up for redemption is South Carolina.

He’s managed to encourage five families and two other individuals to move to South Carolina to take up the cause over the last 1 1/2 years. Not quite on pace for the tens of thousands that he intends to recruit by 2016.

What happens if they fail to influence the rest of the nation?

The organization’s Web site says if it does not meet its goal of change, it will work to secede from the United States.

Can’t wait to see how his plans turn out.

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