Archive for the ‘Morons’ Category

Attempt to Rob Drug Dealers

November 16, 2005

money, money, money David Sampson of Tampa, Florida made a valiant attempt to pull a heist on a drug dealer’s house. Not a great target by any standards.

…Simpson set out Monday night to rob a group of drug dealers in north Tampa, but he ended up dead when the men followed Simpson and his accomplice to a McDonald’s and started firing, according to Hillsborough sheriff’s investigators.

Source: [St.Petersburgh Times]

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Russians Develop Spy Turtle

November 15, 2005

turtle.jpg A Russian scientist is in the process of perfecting a new stealth military reconnaisance tool. With highly trained turtles and a remote control device, a new method of espionage has emerged that he believes will foil all enemies. I mean who would expect a turtle with a camera strapped to its back crawling through an area that requires security clearance to be harmful, right?

Alexei Burikov, head of the biology department at Rostov-on-Don State Pedagogical University, says he has perfected a remote control device that can be fitted to a turtle’s shell. The device sends vibrations through the shell that cause properly trained turtles to change direction. A tiny camera fitted to the turtles shell could then spy on the enemy and relay reconnaissance pictures to a command or control center. Burikov did not explain why no one would notice a vibrating turtle with a video camera on its back.

Source: [HamptonRoads.com]

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A Serious Sports Fanatic

November 15, 2005

31-year old Geoffrey Huish likes his rugby. He recently bet a friend that he would cut his testicles off if Wales won in Cardiff. Well, they did and so he fulfilled his promise.

Single Geoffrey, 31, took an agonising ten minutes to perform the horrific op using a pair of blunt wire cutters. Then he put his severed parts in a blue plastic bag and staggered to a social club to announce his desperate deed to fellow Wales fans. Jobless Geoffrey finally collapsed with blood pouring from his groin as horrified drinkers put his testicles in a pint glass of ice. They were handed to paramedics who rushed him to hospital — but surgeons could not sew them back

The Sun Online

Lesser of Two Evils

November 12, 2005

pipe.jpg Considering the stash in this Palm Springs, California resident’s house, it probably was best not to invite the police for a visit. Worried that someone was attempting to break into his home, 59-year old Ronald Meyers requested that the Palm Springs police come out to have a look around. Everything was fine on the outside, but there was a bit of a problem with what they discovered on the inside…

Responding officers found no burglar but asked if they could check inside, said Sgt. John Booth, a Palm Springs police spokesman. When Meyers, 59, let them in, officers allegedly found more than $100,000 worth of marijuana, he said.

The alleged stash included an 8-foot-tall pot plant, more plants growing in the garage and harvested marijuana — some packed into large closeable plastic bags — stuffed in large storage bins in a bedroom, Booth said.

Officers also allegedly found syringes, at least one methamphetamine pipe and other drug paraphernalia, he said.

Source: [Yahoo]

Bike Lock

November 12, 2005

Strong as steel and stops lateral bike robbers dead in their tracks… bikelock.jpg

Source: [office-humor.co.uk

According to MIT, Tin Foil Hats Are Ineffective

November 11, 2005

Conspiracy theorist alert! According to a recent MIT study, the tin-foil hat does not, in fact, protect you against invasive government-controlled radio waves. Good science, or brilliant people with too much time on their hands? You decide.

Source: [ Damn Interesting ]

Bananas and Whipped Cream

November 10, 2005

No explanation whatsoever… bananaman.jpg

Source: [AllDumb.com]

A Crackhead That Didn’t Get Away

November 2, 2005

crackpipe.jpg A 32-year old woman on the run from Aspen police ducked into an occupied home in an escape attempt. Unfortunately for her, the home happened to be that of the Aspen Police Chief Loren Ryerson.

Ryerson, who was in the house with her two kids during the insane escape attempt, said Byrum calmly requested to use the toilet and the phone. “She knocked on a window and just opened our sliding glass door and came in,” she told the Post.

The woman was apprehended and charged with first-degree criminal trespass, possession of cocaine, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Source: [FOXNews.com]

Madonna’s Kaballah Guru Arrested For Extortion

November 1, 2005

money, money, money The Kaballah guru who encouraged Madonna to make the pilgrammage to Israel was arrested on charges of extortion.

Shaul Youdkevitch is said to have talked the mother of two into giving the cash in return for a “cure?. When the money ran out, she was then allegedly told to buy bottles of holy water from the Kabbalah Center in Israel, where Youdkevitch is a key figure in the worldwide cult — a mystical interpretation of Judaism.

Source: The Sun Online

Food Items from Hurricane Relief Effort Being Sold on eBay

October 31, 2005

cannedfood.jpg Meals ready to eat (MRE’s) that appear to have been distributed to hurricane victims during recent relief efforts along the Gulf coast of the United States have appeared on eBay according to a recent article published in the Houston Chronicle.

Representatives for eBay, the online auctioneer firm, say it is impossible to prove that any of the meals were meant for hurricane victims. They note MREs can be bought in camping stores and Army-Navy surplus outlets.

But at least some of the MREs advertised on the Web site are being sold from Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida and other Gulf states, and are individually packaged with a disclaimer that clearly notes: “U.S. Government property — Commercial resale is unlawful.”

While it remains unproven whether these food items actually originated from federal government relief efforts, some of the sellers have made references to the hurricanes in the region.

“It was very depressing to come back and see that Rita took half our roof with her and left a lot of trees on the fence,” the seller wrote. “I am still in a state of shock and a daze. It has really been a mess. I thank God for my solid gold eBay customers. Thanks for your prayers.”

Source: [Houston Chronicle]

Didn’t See That Coming, Did Ya?

October 29, 2005

palm.jpg A Baltimore, Maryland woman who apparently doesn’t trust in psychic abilities lashed out this week.

Police say that around 4:30pm on Monday the woman approached 38 year-old Kevin Patrick Miles, who owns the Zodiac Zone kiosk at Arundel Mills, and said, “So, you’re supposed to be a psychic?” Miles says the woman then pulled a soda bottle from her purse, threw it at his head, and asked “Did you see that coming?” before leaving.

Ouch! Fark.com commenters thought that the psychic may in fact have foretold a nice settlement award in the near future.

Spotted on: [Fark.com]

Source: [WJZ News]

Superheroes and Alcohol, a Recipe for Disaster

October 26, 2005

superman.jpg A 23-year old Austrian was rushed to the hospital yesterday after shouting that he was Superman and jumping from a 4th story window. The time: 4am. Bottles of wine: several. Number of drunk 20-year olds who have tried this: several hundred thousand. Number who have actually flown: 0

There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

Source:[Yahoo

Mom, I’m Going to Be on an ‘Extended Vacation’

October 25, 2005

jail.jpg A suspected German security guard turned robber who made away with over 7.2 million euros managed to outwit German police and Interpol for nearly two weeks prior to giving up his location by calling his mommy.  He was nabbed in Croatia with nearly all of the money in the trunk of his car.

Spotted on: [Fark.com]

Source: [Reuters]

Michigan Chiropractor’s License Suspended after Attempting Breast Re-Alignment on Employees

October 25, 2005

level.jpg A chiropractor from Michigan had his license suspended earlier this month after fondling two teenage employees and telling them that their breasts were “uneven”.

According to the state complaint, which led to Moore’s suspension earlier this month, he also improperly billed the health insurance of one girl’s father for his “chiropractic” services.

The National Board of Chiropractic Examiners licensure examination outline [pdf] makes no mention of competency in breast misalignment diagnosis or re-alignment techniques. County prosecutors are considering criminal charges.

Source: [thesmokinggun.com]

Slippery Fingers Does Not a Good Robber Make

October 24, 2005

He didn’t earn the nickname ‘slippery fingers’ for nothing…

robbery gone bad

Source: [office-humour.co.uk]